Monthly Archives: July 2015

Enough’s Enough

Tom_Hanks_Beard_CastawayOk. You know how you do something for a loooooong time.

And finally you say e’nups a’nup.

Well I get that way with one of the things Mommy and Daddy does to me a couple times per week.

Right after I get out of the shower. I brush-a-teef, dry my hair, put smelly stuff under my arm, a sprinkle-a-day…

You know…get pretty.

But sometimes they put this white stuff on my face.

It’s the weirdest thing though. It comes out blue, green, purple…but then changes to white. How does that even happen???

Anywho?? That’s not the bad part.

choose-best-shaving-cream-1After they slather the white stuff all over my face. They SCRAPE it off with this little tool.

I have to contort my face. Stand still. Look in the mirror. Torture I tell you. Torture.

And then after it’s all done. They tell me I’m beautiful.

Like I don’t already know that???? <insert quizzical head shake here>

elmoSometimes they  try playing peek-a-boo with me to distract this unholiness.

Like that works…I’m twenty something…a grown up…

Oh who am I kidding…that is kinda funny…

There they are. Now they’re gone. Annnd then they’re back.

HILARIOUS!!!!

We’ve also tried one of the things they use at the barber shop to cut my hair.

top-electric-shavers-under-50-1403625444But the buzzing and vibration. Annoying.

Mom and Dad say it’s ‘cuz of my autism. Something about my sensory…something or other…

I don’t know about that? I just think it’s annoying.

Although. As big-of-a-pain as they are when they do it…there must be an art to it.

I tried it once on my own.

And…well…lets just say it didn’t turn out “beautiful”.

In fact. There were lotsa band-aids. LOTS.

harryOh well. I guess it’s the price of beauty.

And it’s not like they just make me do it.

Dad does it to his face too. And his HEAD. Yea…his head????

Mom doesn’t have to do her face…or head. But she does her legs. I tried that once too…it didn’t turn out good either. I don’t recommend that…at all.

Aw-rite I gotta for now.

Bye. See ya ta-mah-wo.

 

This is where I got the pictures:

Tom Hanks

Harry

Ax guy

Elmo

Buzzer

What’s My Thang?

Funny-Monkeys-Dancing-25When people find out I’m autistic. They usually ask if I have any “special” talents.

Talents? What am I? A dancing monkey?

I guess they’re referring to the movie Rain Man.

Like he had some kind of “talent”???

Big whoop. I can eat cheese puffs with a tooth pic too. And…oh…wait for it…I also have my people cut my pizza into small bites to make it easier to eat. Talent? What the…

And don’t even get me started on Wheel Of Fortune. Boooor-riiiiing.

But I get it. I guess people are interested. Annnnd…since I’m kind of a big deal…I’ll share.

If I had a “thing”. It would probably be drawing and music.

artI’m actually a pretty good artist. You may have seen some of my stuff hanging on refrigerators or above fireplaces.

I can just see things in my head. And make them happen on paper.

Exhibit A.

Just kidding. I didn’t do that.

WHAT IS THAT??? Ridiculous. And a little creepy.

Nope I usually focus on practical things. Things that matter.

remoteLike this. It’s a remote control. You know…for the T.Bee. It’s how I find the Fraggles. Or rewind and replay a scene…50 times. (Mommy and Daddy love it when I do that. Hehe.)

violinI also draw instruments like that one on the left. It’s a violin.

Side note: The one on the right is a toy. When inspiration hits…

I love music.

I don’t have a favorite instrument. But don’t blame Mom and Dad.

Believe me. They’ve tried finding an instrument that can keep my attention and focus.

Me? Focus? <insert palm to shaking forehead here>

Daddy says they’ve spent a college tuition trying to find an instrument I can play.

I’m not sure what that means??? But I can tell you they have bought me A LOT of instruments. A LOT.

Guitars. Clarinets. Recorders. Xylophones. Drums (that was Mom’s idea)…which reminds me…I gotta bang on those things in a minute.

And that’s Just to name a few.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate it. But I really want a tuba and a glockenspiel. The tuba because it’s straight-up cool. The glockenspiel…well…that’s just fun to say.

Glockenspiel.

But Mom and Dad are all “NO”. And I’m like “YES”

No. Yes! No. Yes! No. Yes! No. Yes!

Negotiations are ongoing…but I like my chances.

Anyway. If I had to tell you what my “thing” is…that’d be it.

So there you have it. My “special talents”.

Of course. I am also a pretty good signer too.

And I’ve been known to blow up a dance floor or grocery store aisle from time-to-time…like the monkey. True story.

Aw-rite. Well…I have to get back at it for the day.

Bye. See ya ta-mah-wo.

 

So this is where I got the picture of the:

Dancing monkey…a monkey…who dances. Hilarious.

Creepy picture…it’s called The Scream. It’s by some guy named Edvard Munch. Is that a real name??? And…apparently someone stole it once. Who would steal that????

 

Not Like The Good Old Days

VCRRemember the good ol’ days.

When your movie machine lasted for a really long time.

Now?

I can kill a D-bee-D player in about 2 months.

I know! They’re really cheap. Like…2 dollars…or something???

I think I hear them called throw away now.

I don’t know what that means…

…but talking Mommy and Daddy into taking me to the store to get a new one? Hassle and a half.

Sometimes those two are really hard to deal with.

We have to finish “working”. Or. We’ll get you a new one tomorrow. Or. How about coloring in your book?

Blah-blah-blah.

Great idea people!

dvdsBut I still have a bunch of D-bee-D’s to watch. Look at these…

…they don’t just watch themselves.

And…what if Wyon King doesn’t doesn’t make it back to the pride this time? How will the jungle turn out with Scar at that helm?

Or what if Robin Hood – A Fox? Doesn’t save Maid Marian – A Vixen?

Good news though. While technology has taken away. It has also given back.

compukerThe compuker my Mommy gave me has a D-bee-D player in it!

WHAAAAAT?!?!

Well THAT is super cool! And…how long has that been there?

Daddy says don’t get used to it. It won’t be long before all compukers stop coming with D-bee-D players.

Yeah right! Keep dreamin’ old man. How will we watch movies in “the future”?

One problem though. If I watch the videos on the compuker…I have to watch them in Daddy or Mommy’s office while they work.

If you know them…I don’t have to tell you. But if you don’t know them…

…well…let’s just say they is n-o-i-s-y…LOUD!

Always talking to people on the phone.

What did you think about this? How about that? Oh…well check out this one I’ve got on the market.

Or. How can I help you with your skoool werk? What can we do to make the course better?

And he is always making videos of himself or houses so he can put them on the internet.

Mom’s always making pictures…or videos…just like Dad.

No offense…and I’ll deny this if you tell them I said so…but they seem a little needy sometimes.

Maybe starving for attention?

I dunno where they get that????

I guess I’ll have to do a better job of spending more time with them. And telling them how “awesome” they are.

Maybe get them a trophy. <insert exhausted head shake with an eye roll here>

Ok. Well I have to get back to werk.

Bye. See ya ta-mah-wo.

 

Here’s where I got the picture of the old VCR.

Too Many Choices

choices_gatoradeEvery Sunday I make Mommy and Daddy take me to the grocery store.

It’s very important I keep them on a routine.

They get hard to manage if I don’t. You have NO idea!

Before we go. I usually help Mommy cut coupons.

She thinks it’s because I’m being a big helper. Actually…

…I just like cutting.

Aaaaannnd…I have to make sure she has the right coupons in the pile.

Sometimes they don’t have the right ones so…I have to make them.

Every now and then it’s tough though.

Choices.

Look. I get it. Everyone has to make choices.

We just went car shopping with Daddy the other day. Do you want the white one…or blue one? How hard is that?

Or if we’re looking at houses. Do you want this one? Or that? Or MAYBE that other one? Three choices??? Ooooh stop the presses!

I also hear them talking about imbestments. Not really sure what that is…I dunno…something about korters…or dollers?

But they don’t have to decide between too many options.

But me. I REALLY do have a lot of choices to make on Sundays.

Mommy pretty much knows what to get…without me prompting her.

But there are a few things I have to decide on. Cookies. Chips. And dwinks (Gatorade).

It’s not that easy.

choices_oreoI only get one cookie. Three chips. And usually 10 dwinks.

One cookie. Really?!?!

All those cookies. Birthday cake kind. Key lime pie ones. Mint. Triple stiff. Double.

And now they’re making some called “Thin Oreos”. What the…???

How do you decide on just one? And worse…only the ones Mommy says I like.

I guess she’s right. Those key lime ones are pretty gross. Not sure what they were thinking when they made those???

Still. It’s not easy.

choices_pringlesAnd then the chips. Pizza flavored. White ones. Salt and vinegar. Green. Pickle flavored.

In fact. Sometimes I get a little frustrated with all the choices.

Remember the good ‘ol days. There was just plain. And maybe BBQ.

How do you narrow down just 3 of them?

Like the cookies. THAT’S not easy either.

The fact is. Mommy and Daddy are pretty stubborn sometimes. I’m not a big fan of them when they get that way.

Usually. I let it go and just live with the choice they finally pick for me. But sometimes…

…not so much.

Sometimes they say I melt-down. Not sure what that is???

I mean. Sure. I might not handle it well. I might even get a little loud and cause a scene.

But I just know that one of EACH flavor is – often – the ONLY solution to all these choices.

Plus…I don’t tell them which package of shicken or hambooger to get.

Anyway. I’m not bitter. And I usually get over it pretty quick.

But if you think you have BIG decisions during the day…you have no idea the decisions autistic people have to make.

Try picking just one package of cookies! <insert an impossible decision head shake here>

Awwwl-right. I’m gonna go for now.

See ya ta-mah-wo.

 

 

To The Flag

Tomorrow is to-da-flag day.

And I’m taking the day off. You know…relax.

So I thought I’d pay my respects today.

Say it along with me:

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,

and to the Republic for which it stands;

one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

an American flag background waving in the wind

People ask me what I like best about this day.

There’s a lot of things really.

Besides saying to-da-flag.

I have a few other things I really like about the 4th of July and America.

1. Fy-or werks.

I love watching the fire works.

It’s hilarious watching Daddy and Papa run around after they light them…before the fire and sounds come out.

I didn’t know they could move that fast.

2. There’s no place better.

A lot of people don’t know this. But I haven’t always lived in the United States. For a few years I lived in Japan.

And some country called California.

Just kidding…I know that’s a State.

So I can tell you…it doesn’t get any better than here.

3. Frensh fry chicken.

That’s all I have to say about that.

4. I get to be me.

Sure. Some people look at me funny when I am dancing in the grocery store. Actually. Come to think of it…they may be looking at Dad…I’m a good dancer. Still.

Or maybe they don’t understand why I can’t be in crowds for very long.

And I know it’s hard to know just how much getting out of my routine really bothers me.

But. For the most part. People here are very nice. And let me. Be me.

5. Mommy and Daddy are here.

And JackJoey. And all my other family. And my friends. And Donald’s (that’s what I call McDonald’s).

Anyway. I am going to go for now.

I think we’re going to get the fire works soon.

See ya ta-mah-wo.

 

My Brave’s Appearance

braves gameAs you can imagine. I am a huge supporter of Autism Awareness.

It’s a little cumbersome sometimes. But I lend my celebrity to the cause by attending these events.

Some of them are pretty fun. Some…not so much.

I was just looking through some of my pictures. They were of an event I took a few friends to a couple weeks ago.

It was my first trip to an Atlanta Bwaves baseball game.

It was pretty cool I guess.

turnerdrummersThey had drums there. I love drums. Especially when the drummers dance. I love to boogie.

DSC06451.JPGAnd they also had a REALLY BIG drum. That was WAAAAAAY cool. The guy would play that. And all the people in the stadium who came out to see me did the tomahawk chop.

We sang “take me out to the ol’ ball game”.

Not only did they have drums. They also had a place to get my favorite eats…frensh fry chicken. Aaaand they had refills on the dwinks. Who knew?

bravesAnd…just to get into the spirit…I went all out and got some face paint to support the team.

Oooooooooo-o-ooo-ooooooo!

I have to admit though…that’s kinda where the fun stopped.

Do you have any idea how booooooring a baseball game is? It takes forever!!!

Guys run out on the field. One guy throws a baawl to another. Another tries to hit it with a stick. And then they go inside while more guys do the same thing.

And that just 1 inning! Whatever that is???? But there’s 9 of them. 9!

What the….???

Not to mention it was H-O-T. Hawt. I am not a big fan of hawt.

Mom says it has to do with my body’s inability to process heat…or something. I don’t know about all that??? But I don’t like it.

I guess that’s the price of celebrity.

braves game 2But it was for a good cause. And I got to hang out with some friends. All in the name of autism awareness.

Would I do it again?

Probably. If I had to.

GrumpyBut I have to admit. I was really off the next day. Some might say gwumpy. You know…like Sno-white.

I think it was because of the stimulation. People with autism react differently to stimulation.

For me. Tons of people. Really loud noises. Lots of activities. Not on my schedule.

That’s tough.

Oh! Mommy and Daddy…if you’re reading this?

Maybe pick pick something indoors next time. Like basketball or hockey or…better…a moooovie.

Ok. I have to go for now. I have a bunch of werk to do. Pictures. Signs. Drawing.

See ya ta-mah-wo.

Here’s where I got some of the pics:

Heavy Hitters

Big Drum

Grumpy

The others were mine.

 

This Smile Doesn’t Just Happen

AJI mentioned yesterday that I had to go to the dentist.

A lot of people think this just happens ===>>

Well…I assure you it doesn’t.

It takes A BUNCH of work. I have to get up every morning and brush-a-teef. I don’t mind that too  much. A little bit of a hassle…but…what are ya gonna do?

Then Mommy has to put some string in my mouth. And then I have to swish this horrible blue liquid around in my mouth…while we count to 30. 30!

And then we have to do it again later.

I guess it’s the price you pay for being a celebrity like me.

Still. Even with all that. I have to go visit my peeps at Life Smiles. I think Mommy calls them the dentist.

They are super cool. Everyone is really nice to me. They all know my name. And they do stuff for me that they don’t have to do for everyone else. On the account of my autism.

dr pAnd Dr P is funny…I guess (that’s him <<===)? Him and Daddy laugh the whole time I’m getting my teef done.

The lady who helps laughs at them. I don’t know if she thinks they’re funny. Or she just feels sorry for them.

I don’t laugh. It’s hardly a laughing matter.

Do you have any idea how long I have to sit there with my mouth open?

Although it is kinda funny when they put the squirt gun in my mouth. And then the little vacuum thing that sucks the water out.

Oh…and Dr P also got me in a magazine once. He wrote an article about working with autistic people like me. It was a good article. They messed up the picture though because Daddy and Dr P were in it.

I get that a lot. Everyone wants to take a picture with me.

Anyway.

Mom and Dad say it’s important that I go there so I can keep my teef cleaned. But that’s not the only reason they say I have to go.

See. Since I don’t really talk. I can’t tell Mommy and Daddy when something’s wrong.

I mean sure. I can point in my mouth or rub my cheek if I have a tooth ache. But I haven’t been able to come up with the words.

Sooooo. It makes it kinda tough to let ’em know what’s up. Mom does a good job of figuring it out. Dad…well…he just says rub some dirt on it.

Rub dirt on it? That’s ridiculous!

dentistLike I said. I don’t mind going to the dentist though. They’re nice. I get to wear some cool glasses. They have a TV I can watch.

Annnnnd they usually give me a present. I’m pretty sure they only do that for me.

Well I have to get back-to-werk. Lot’s of drawing. I need to do some pwinting. And I have to sing-a-song to Mommy’s phone so she can send it to one of my fans.

It never ends.

See ya ta-mah-wo.